Anna responds to readers
Since a giant electric wasp hovered directly over my building for more than an hour this morning, I thought I’d use this untimely wakefulness to answers emails from you, my readers. Starting with the insults.
What would a 52-year-old Buddhist artist expect from a post titled “What women want — a man who’s small, quick and hairy”?? You shoulda steered clear at the pop-cult reference. Mel Gibson, for God’s sake! Not much art happening there (although his dance scene is rather nice). Now had I made a reference to Amelie... OK. You might’ve had me there.
But don’t lose heart. I’m sure there are other, more-serious women half your age out there.
PS: It might help your dating strategy if you don’t send emails twice. Especially when 20 minutes have elapsed in between. It just looks weird, ya know?
It was me, yes. Thanks for reading! You have my sympathies re: the job. Totally been there. Check back next time you have more time to kill...
Sarcasm can be a highly refined art. And like much art, it is not always appreciated by the masses. Bear in mind, it tends to work better as performative art (i.e., banter during drinks) than written in the first email sales-pitch of yourself.
In general, the ideal email should be, well, short — at least in the beginning. I like what you’re doing with the cologne bit, but it’s kinda like the killer umpteenth phone call in Swingers: TMI. Or at least, too many words. And not carefully chosen words. You’re an intelligent man. You use sarcasm ... finished a thesis ... but your writing-style doesn’t really tell me that. I hate to say it, but you have to look at personal-ad response emails like the cover letter in a job ap. It’s all about the sell. So re-read your stuff a couple times. Try to use conventional capitalization and so forth and go easy on the IMspeak ("lol,"etc.). Some folks are still internet newbies who don’t “get” that mode of speech. (Especially since she calls herself “professional”; maybe a business-letter tone would have worked?)
But all that stuff about dumb guys being willing to take her out ... that really doesn’t supply a come-back. In the interest of encouraging responses, I’d also avoid phrases like “if you are a good looking girl” and “I’m looking for an ‘attractive’ girls refined opinion.” Effective flattery calls for some degree of subtlety, if not wit. But so I don’t break Anna’s rule #1 (keep it short): I’ll close with what I would send as your ghost-writer:
And now I’ll throw it out to our readers. Any thoughts on the man’s cologne dilemma? Feel free to comment here.
By-the-Buy
Movies ♣
What Women Want ♣ 
Amelie ♣ 
Swingers
1.Dear Yecch:
what would a 52-year old buddhist artist find that
could possibly be attractive about such solypsism
posing as integrity and art?
yecch
What would a 52-year-old Buddhist artist expect from a post titled “What women want — a man who’s small, quick and hairy”?? You shoulda steered clear at the pop-cult reference. Mel Gibson, for God’s sake! Not much art happening there (although his dance scene is rather nice). Now had I made a reference to Amelie... OK. You might’ve had me there.
But don’t lose heart. I’m sure there are other, more-serious women half your age out there.
PS: It might help your dating strategy if you don’t send emails twice. Especially when 20 minutes have elapsed in between. It just looks weird, ya know?
2.Dear Dale:
someone (most likely you??) posted a link to your blog on craigslist in san francisco. since i have a job that allows me pretty much to read whatever i want on the net, i clicked on your link to pass some time. just writing to say thanks for the effort and it helped me pass a few minutes of my life. if i choose a name the same way you did i would be Dale Thirty-second Avenue.
It was me, yes. Thanks for reading! You have my sympathies re: the job. Totally been there. Check back next time you have more time to kill...
3.Dear Sounds of Silence:
You are quite funny...small, quick and furry...you got me pegged. It sounds like you have been around the internet dating block a few times. I have just discovered this craigs list thing and have been obsessed with it. I responded to a few, not too seriously, but received no response. WTF. At least a thanks would be nice. Is the sarcasm not obvious?
This is to a lady who left no name but said she was professional:
Professional Intelligent Lady-
YES, I think your expectations are way to high...you should date a guy who still lives at home at 30 or are unfaithful jerks or drinks too much and gets mean or loves sports more than you or is really nice but also ugly...LOL...the good guys are gone, ALL of them!
Anyway, I am looking for an “attractive” girls refined opinion on cologne. I started wearing it everyday and I am running low. So I went to the cologne counter and got sprayed down with like 30 and really couldn’t smell the difference after 3. I liked Marc Jacobs for men and a couple others...so I wanted a cute girls opinion, since ultimately, that is why guys wear cologne.
As for me, I am just working to finish my thesis, 5’10” with dark brown hair and a half goatee (this changes a lot). I swam for 11 years so I have the swimmers bod thing going but whatever. I have nice teeth, a good relationship with my mom, floss daily, and have nice shoes. lol. Unfortunately, I am not around your area but O well, I rarely let women take me out unless they really have their s#$% together, and a attractive (a very rare combo). If you are a good looking girl I am sure if you step out for a few hours, you will have several dumb guys offering to buy you dinner just to spend some time with you. Got to get back to my work.
Peace,
Sounds of Silence
Sarcasm can be a highly refined art. And like much art, it is not always appreciated by the masses. Bear in mind, it tends to work better as performative art (i.e., banter during drinks) than written in the first email sales-pitch of yourself.
In general, the ideal email should be, well, short — at least in the beginning. I like what you’re doing with the cologne bit, but it’s kinda like the killer umpteenth phone call in Swingers: TMI. Or at least, too many words. And not carefully chosen words. You’re an intelligent man. You use sarcasm ... finished a thesis ... but your writing-style doesn’t really tell me that. I hate to say it, but you have to look at personal-ad response emails like the cover letter in a job ap. It’s all about the sell. So re-read your stuff a couple times. Try to use conventional capitalization and so forth and go easy on the IMspeak ("lol,"etc.). Some folks are still internet newbies who don’t “get” that mode of speech. (Especially since she calls herself “professional”; maybe a business-letter tone would have worked?)
Dear Madam:But back to you. In addition to keeping it brief and editing what you write, be careful how you talk about a) a woman’s looks, and b) your approach to dating. Talking about too much stuff upfront tends to weird people out. Internet-dating exchanges are like a tennis match in which the ad is the opening serve. Hopefully the person serves well, giving you something to respond to. So you return serve, giving one or two options for her response. But don’t slip in an extra ball on the return volley so she’s not sure which one to hit. You probably would’ve been better off stopping with the cologne conundrum. That gives her something a little offbeat, a topic for her response.
I would like to request a moment of your attention in response to a recent advertisement on Craiglist, posted by the holder of this email. As you will see from the attached resume, I am an eminently dateable man, and eager to make you feel appreciated as the beauty that you are.
While we’re on the topic of you, perhaps I can offer a few words of professional (that is to say, male) advice. With all due respect, I fear your dating strategy may fail to adequately suss out the men worth your time. Clearly your looks should be enough to garner interest, however ...
But all that stuff about dumb guys being willing to take her out ... that really doesn’t supply a come-back. In the interest of encouraging responses, I’d also avoid phrases like “if you are a good looking girl” and “I’m looking for an ‘attractive’ girls refined opinion.” Effective flattery calls for some degree of subtlety, if not wit. But so I don’t break Anna’s rule #1 (keep it short): I’ll close with what I would send as your ghost-writer:
Dear Professional:PS: Props on the flossing. Just make sure you don’t do it in public, like The Captain sometimes does!
YES, I think your expectations are way to high...you should date a guy who still lives at home at 30 or are unfaithful jerks or drinks too much and gets mean or loves sports more than you or is really nice but also ugly...Just kidding. ;)
Sometimes it feels like all the good ones are gone, eh?
Anyway, I am looking for a “refined” (read: female) opinion on cologne. You look [or seem, if she didn’t have a picture] like the kind of woman I’d want to be attractive to, so I was wondering if you’d offer some feedback. I started wearing it everyday and I am running low. When I went to the cologne counter I got sprayed down with like 30 but really couldn’t smell the difference after 3. I liked Marc Jacobs for men and a couple others...but I wanted a cute girls opinion, since ultimately, that is why guys wear cologne. Any thoughts?
And now I’ll throw it out to our readers. Any thoughts on the man’s cologne dilemma? Feel free to comment here.
By-the-Buy
Movies ♣
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