Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Stop, or he’ll go blind!

Subject: My eyes are bleeeeeeding..
Dear Anna,

So there I was, sitting on Craigslist (get place, occasionally) and I found the link. So .. I came over and tried to read. My eyes were savaged by the layout and the colours.. I fight my way past and try and read..

What is it about Girls, they are sooo over complex with deep analysis on subjects that don't deserve it…

Anyway … Where was I … on yes, erm, Chocolate Virgina errand was where I ended up. Now, don't get me wrong, your English is like 2000% better than mine, but the page layout killed me as I tried to read it! Nice story, if erm.. told from the Womans perspective. Why did I choose that one? Probably some latent stupid male thought process..

So I was thinking … what per chance the short hairy one did actually like you and was not merely trying to get in your knickers. Then I was pondering if you are judgmental, and I am on that short story kinda thinking you are.. Maybe that short guy liked you. You could still be dating ! How can you call the blog sexless IF it need not be. I'm confuddled, but also, male so there is no shock there..

You take great interest in the persons background, so money is important, as are looks. Hmmm. I like the last line ..
AB: hahaha ... but it's not like she gets opportunities with the men I've denied. It's more like their friends ....
AB: Weird.
Men you've denied … hmm, so the blog could be called, denial in NY, or sexless cos you prefer it that way ? :P

I mean… you live in NY, HOW can you lack sex if you want it …. You have to explain, I'll be watching :P

Bleeding-eyes Brit
Dear Bleeding Eyes:

First of all, I must commend you for your fortitude. Such visual … er, stamina in wading through all my words! Sorry the pink’s a bit too much. Maybe if I find another sugar daddy I can splurge on a spiffier site.

In the meantime, might I suggest glasses? It’s the whole “geek chic” thing, you know. In fact, I consider it a bold statement of confidence. On many people, the deliberate choice of nerdy, dare-I-say, ugly eyewear implies the owner has good looks to spare, so he or she can afford “downgrade” the sex appeal a little. But then … I’m a self-confessed closet looksist (and quite attached to the specs m’self), so I spend wayyyy too much timing thinking about this stuff (among other topics).

But back to your query. Ad Weasel’s not such a bad bloke entirely — you’re right. His offense at my assumption he was offering money for sex seemed quite real. Then again, there is that one time when he offered lotsa cash to peek up my skirt. Really. A whole wad. I guess he had to blow it elsewhere ...

Some women would take the money. Others would say “fuck off” and never speak to him again. I just said “fuck off.”

No man deserves to be reduced to the sum of his actions (or his features). So … when some guy (or gal) acts stupid, I shake my head, maybe shelter my heart a wee bit, and remember that I can be quite the fuckwit as well sometimes. But we’d all like to think we’re still decent chaps or chicks, right? Just miserably broken ones at times.

Anyhow, re: your confuddlement … I guess you’ll just have to keep reading. ;) But thanks for the alternate-name tips!


PS: If you think I overanalyze, you should read Alain de Botton sometime! He's even one of your countryman — emphasis on the “man,” there. ;)


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