Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

What I’m reading/thinking lately

Those are two more noteworthy sources of input or entertainment, but in terms of stuff I’ve been thinking just as I process stuff, here’s part of a recent email to a few girlfriends (bear with me if you’re outside the church; this gets a little bit spiritual):

  • Earlier this year, I came across a really great 5-part sermon series from my old pastor in Phoenix, called “The Towering Reality of the Father’s Love” (parts 3-5 online here, but email me if you want all five mp3s). One of the things that struck me most was his distinction between the objective reality of God’s love, vs. our subjective experience of it. As I was thinking through some stuff last night, this question kept coming up: Am I living out of my recent pain and letting that define how I relate to people, or out of the objective reality of God’s love?

  • The other thing that’s dawned on me is a recent shift in my outlook. For most of my life I tied purpose to the marriage I hoped would happen, which led to a ceaseless string of crushes that had almost no gap in between. Lately, though, I find myself in perhaps my longest sojourn through romantic wilderness, with no guy to buoy my hopes or anchor affection. Always before, this would have launched a spiral into despair as I judged God’s “goodness” by present circumstance and its seeming implications for my future.

  • This time, though, I’m learning to anchor my hope in the reality of God’s character, to trust that if marriage is part of the best He could have in store for me, I need not judge His goodness by the presence or absence of “prospects” among the guys around. In other words, I can endure what once seemed like the worst — a persistent man drought — and still find water for my soul in the ever-present love of God. Most importantly, I can have a hopeful outlook on the future not because of the “materials” at hand, but the goodness of the God who made a whole world out of nothing, and loved us enough to die so He could maintain justice while showing kindness to the “ungrateful and wicked.”

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