Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Gettin’ quippy wit it

Great thing, having sex on the brain. By turns you can seem alternately funny and entertaining (if friends are feeling generous).

For the stand-up comedy portion of the evening ...
A couple audience-pleasing rejoinders from my dinner tonight:
  1. My friend discusses her Saturday evening from last weekend. The main theme is her disappointment that she didn’t get to attend this bizarre “Orgasmatron” party in the city somewhere (a prelude to the Burning Man festival, she says). “You couldn’t get anyone to come with you?” I ask (the innocent poker face lasts perhaps a half second before I crack up like a kid who just made the obvious poop joke).
  2. Later in the same conversation, this friend describes the ads she’s posted on Craigslist, in search of that rare thing: a Jewish guy who likes to travel. (I once sought an intellectual grease monkey, so she has my sympathies.) Not long ago she met or heard from a guy who was Jewish and somewhat pleasing, but got panic attacks about leaving the country. “So you’re saying he’s home-ophobic?”
... This doesn’t work well in print, does it?

And now the reality entertainment: Looney Tune responds
After writing yesterday’s blog entry, I resisted the urge to “reply-all” Looney Tune’s recipients ... for all of five minutes. But then Bleeding Eyes returned my email:
You know, I just don't get it, I really don’t. I mean, why? I’m as horny and as interested in sex and all its little avenues as the next guy, I have a decent porn collection, etc etc, but maybe these people are just plain screwy. On the other hand, maybe screwy ladies actually answer that kinda thing, and that causs him to keep on doing it. Maybe he was trying in some weird wacked out way to be humourous.. Kinda like lampoon or animal house style sex humour. I dunno, I’m not explaining the unexplainable... Maybe we should be blunt and just straight up and ask him :P His mass spam mailing multiple people just seems a bit ... Desperate..or something..

I think a reply all is a great idea, probably find interesting responses, but I know that Craigslist mail addresses get a right hammering so who knows, many of the ladies have probabbly been deluged with silly stuff like that idiot from Philly, and will be bored senseless by this stage. I like Craigslist, but its lost a little something since it got more widely known, ... The noise level over content is on the rise. I do take particular curious interestin the casual metting area, but I’ve not got involved. Reading what people are looking for is the point of interest rather than actually doing it.
So I emailed the ladies. The spunkiest one swiftly took matters into her own hands:
I got the same thing!!!! Geez. Have you told him??!!! Maybe he will learn, us “nice girls” aren’t “stupid”!!! Ha
Then she emails Looney Tune, kindly CCing all us ladies on the message.
From: Spunky One
Subject: A lesson for LOONEY TUNE.....
Date: July 22, 2004 11:24:21 AM EDT
To: Looney Tune, anon1@craigslist, anon2@craigslist, Anna Broadway, anon4@craigslist, anon5@craigslist, and 2 more...

Looney Tune, you have a rare way of making a girl feel special and unique! Just a little word of advice...learn to bcc(BLIND carbon copy) if your going to do a mass mailing...makes us all feel a little more inclined to spend some of that time with you....S
Things approach the state of a car crash when two hours later, Spunky CCs the Spam Squad on her reply to Looney Tune, copying his email so we can read his defense. LT explains:
It wasn’t so much of a mass mailing as it was an attempt to decrease the time that it takes to send my picture. Since I am on hotmail, it takes about 5 minutes per email to upload the picture. Perhaps if I was more technology equipped, then I would not have to prepare the email in such a way. However, my computer stinks. Should I be blamed because of that? In terms of making a girl feel special, that is something for the long term as opposed to an initial email among hundreds in her email box.

Looney Tune
I sense an item that Gen X/Y-savvy politicos should add to their social-service platform: make faster computers available to all! The American people need this to more-efficiently date, mate, and procreate. Shoddy equipment restricts population growth!


Spunky tells him:
But could have BCC.....and how you going to get a chance to get to long term if you don't stand out in those hundreds of e-mails we all receive? Actually, now that I think on it, you did stand out, as one who goofed...your even being blogged about...your famous!! And remember worthwhile things take time.....
Seriously though...all the best....
And now, I hope, we reach the end. In Kiss & Tell, Alain de Botton writes:
The process of intimacy therefore involve[s] the opposite of seduction, for it mean[s] revealing what risk[s] rendering one most open to unfavourable judgment, or least worthy of love. Whereas seduction [i]s founded on the display of one’s finest qualities and dinner jackets, intimacy entail[s] a complex offer of both vulnerability and toenails.
The trouble with internet dating is, sometimes they open with toenails.

And we respond with, well, advice on how to better pull the wool over our eyes. Then again tonight’s post-dinner discussion touched on women who conceal their real (and oft unpleasant) identities from the men in their lives.

Honesty? Who needs that? And intimacy? Bosh. What we want is seduction. More deception! And can you bring a little more wine, please?

Counselors are available in the lobby, next to concessions ...

The hidden track
Bleeding Eyes weighs in:
Spunky one seems more concerned about the fact this guys did’nt use BCC, instead of the contents of the email. Now that smacks like she likes this kinda thing .....

That’s disturbing :P
Movies ♣ National Lampoon's Animal House

Kiss and Tell
Kiss and Tell