Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

The handbagger swap

Light blogging today, especially since !@(*&$)(@#&%)(@#&$()@#$ Blogger* just erased all 20 minutes’s work of witty blogging.

A summary:
  • Poster Boy’s prize is now in postal service hands following extensive labors in the Betty Crocker test kitchen, Brooklyn chapter.
  • “Buttery Sticks” did not figure in any of Anna’s dreams, though maybe they should have.
  • Now on my business-letter rant list are the “pastry flour” people at Arrowhead, who helped to wreck Batch #2. Extra fiber is great and all, but who really eats sweets to keep themselves more regular?
  • Frasier is hopeful his Most Favored Reader status includes certain matchmaking privileges. While that remains to be seen, one idea I will follow up on is using this blog to find a wedding date.
A professional wedding guest?
In fact, I will now go on record as extending to readers one and all the same deal I gave to the Sexless Blogfather yesterday: come with me to DC, and I’ll be your “handbagger” at some wedding in the future. Travel included. I mean, seriously now, how many of you actually read this from DC? Since travel would be required for you, I’m prepared to use my AA frequent-flyer ticket to fly to whatever wedding you have to attend. And since I’ve got my eye on cities beyond New York, it could be quite educational.

To bolster my wedding-date swap appeal, a few wedding-guest advantages I provide:
  • ready conversationalist
  • not known for grating laughter
  • unlikely to get shit-faced
  • ready to deal (read: fade into the background) if you spot a hot goy or gal
  • can seamlessly transition between secular and religious weddings (particular expertise in Protestant rituals)
  • eager and able dance partner (including some ballroom and swing dance; willing to even macarena if needed)
  • won’t put you to shame in meetings with that newly-matched-to-someone-else ex
  • licensed driver who can drive stick shift in the event of car trouble
  • available for pre-wedding gift consultations, if needed
  • and — NEW! — now available for cross-program chat to discuss pre-wedding details (don't you want to make my duck quack**?)
If this sounds like the deal for you, shoot me an email. Review of handbagger applications commences immediately (well, upon receipt of such). Besides, you want to help my reform efforts, right? History suggests that other PK ain’t likely to say yes, but Sexless commenters agree I need a date — especially since I might not know anyone besides the bride and groom. Don’t make me resort to Craigslist!

— your favorite incorrigible blogstress

*There’s language reformation for you. :D
**Adium, the new chat “whiz” in question, emits a strange sound between a moan and a groan, each time a message posts.