Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

An ideal reconsidered

Emailing a colleague yesterday, I wrote:
For a long time I thought the thing that mattered most in a man was intellectual compatibility. Which I defined as the ability to hold a higher-order, shorthand conversation — held together by mere passing references to a number of works* and other conversations of which he would also be aware. This deep mutual understanding enabling us to leap quickly to those rare and special insights available only to those who’ve read deeply of many shared sources.

With time and a hopefully deepening wisdom, however, I’ve realized that while that “quality” of person might do much to stave off loneliness while validating my knowledge and academic commitments, it may not either challenge me as a communicator, or help me to become a better person and grow in humility. There have been men whose wits were as quick as or quicker than mine; men with Ivy League educations and the knowledge to argue articulately about Foucault’s meaning here and that one theory of images there. But I have been most impressed by well-educated pastors whose sermons have forged challenging connections between the Bible and the practical choices I face every day; by the friend who gave up poker because he felt it required him to use a spiritual gift of discernment against others and for his own gain, rather than for their good.
Thoughts on this? Don’t forget that comment link below this can be your chance to have a public voice! ;)

And for the other items of note:
  • I recently learned the Captain has been promoted. To Major. But for the sake of clarity, his old rank will continue on this blog.
  • Secondly, while last month’s contest has closed, there is regretably no winner. Not only was there only one entrant, that entrant got it wrong (quote in question was a back-in-the-day reference to — gasp! — that Jesus freak known for his posters; ahem). Seeing as how contest popularity has been on a major slide, I’m calling it quits on all such calls for reader involvement. I’d much rather take your questions on what to do with the scribbled number of that girl you can’t forget, the in-a-relationship colleague who keeps popping into your daydreams, and so on. Don’t be shy now! Send me your queries and quandaries. I’m beggin’ you.
*Bands, books, films, etc. Hipsterisms may vary but don’t we all tend to want someone nerdy in the same ways we are?