Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Monday, August 02, 2004

The mysticism-sex connection

Shortly before going to bed tonight, I happened to check my email again. To my surprise, I saw an email with a feminine username that referenced a headline from a w4m Craigslist ad.
Discover the World of Ancient Mysticism
patricia Clairvoyant Psychic Medium
Master in the Sacred Art of Kabbalah
Also: Angel Lite Healing.Chakra Placement. Natal Charts. Aura Prognosis.Discover Past Lives.Crystal Healing.
I specialize in Reuniting the Separated, Uniting Soulmates and Changing Lives
by working through the methods and tools from the lands of Egypt, Tibet and India.

“I will tell you your past, Explain your present, and change your Future”.
call for FREE Consultation
Apparently a psychic can get me laid? Enh, but knowing who the lucky chap will be kinda spoils all the fun. And really, none of her other offers sound that enticing either:
  • “Tell me my past” — I’m telling my past, damnit!
  • “Explain your present” — she has a gift for me? Besides the email? Hmmmm. “There’s no such thing as a free lunch,” as my econ profs used to say ... and (generally) no such thing as a string-free present from strangers.
  • Finally, “change your future” — now that one’s downright scary! Does she think she’s God or something? That she knows better what a future should hold than the one I’ve got coming? Thanks, but I’ll stick with being mystified. Good for the patience, anyway. And I hear that’s a very useful talent ...
Now if she could tell me whether coffee with The Winner was a date or pseudo-date (and why Jose No Dinero lost interest) we’d be onto something.

But somehow I doubt she’d really be that good ... as a psychic. I mean, she sent the ad to me (not to mention, has a terrible ability to sense the proper use of punctuation :-o). What makes her think I believe there’s a soulmate to be found? A lover with great sex-ESP, yes (hey, I read those romance novels carefully! I know they were really sex-ed manuals in disguise), but a soulmate, not so much. That Soulmatch profile I created? That was just helping out — you know, like on Friendster. Because, um, me being on there could really help those guys to meet a great woman ... who is listed among my friends. Yeah.