Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Farewell to the summer of unemployment

So you checked back after yesterday’s loooooong entry?!! Impressive. If you’re more the short-entry type, you’ll find your hopes in Anna justified today.

Yesterday’s 10:30 a.m. appointment (for which I was, of course, late — stupid trains) turned into work in an airy, east-Chelsea office until nearly 6 o’clock. Yes, Anna actually did a day of legitimate work! Consequently, while I kept taking short little boredom breaks to check my web stats, there was no time to write more. And today, well ... you know what a morning person I am.

But just for you, dear readers, just for you, I am attempting to squeeze a brief blog entry into this morning’s pre-work routine. With so little time to reflect, however, today’s entry will mostly be a roundup of the best I’ve found on the Web.

Anna’s romance roundup
First off, I feel for some reason compelled to mention that according to USA Today headlines on my Netzero login screen “Pioneer adult filmmaker Russ Meyer dies at 82.” A few gems from that story:
In a 1996 interview with The Associated Press, Meyer described his films as “passion plays ... Beauty against something that’s totally evil.”
Which could evidently describe the dramatic arc of his lovelife. If child-bearing is the stomach-sullying evil women want to avoid, his three wives sure succeeded in beating the Beast: no survivors, the story reports. Ah, such a loss for the gene pool.

And continuing on the topic of fun-for-grown-ups, an alert reader draws my attention to a fascinating New York Times article about the rising popularity of Christian romance novels — what you might call Jesus-y chick lit. Damn, maybe I blew my shot with Harlequin. I coulda reformed the company (set to expand its sex-free inspirational line). I must say this produces a quandary, though, if Harlequin were to expand its Christian offerings to multiple lines akin to the pre-existent secular series (Harlequin Romance, Harlequin Intrigue, Harlequin Blaze), what would the religious equivalents be? Here’s some thoughts — and I want all the credit if these lines take off!
  • Steeple Hill Café the regular, only-wears-full-coverage-undies line (you think I jest? Read the article: one “heroine’s thong underwear ... apparently shocked some Christian Book Association book buyers.” Man, this is why passion parties are so big in the South...)
  • Steeple Hill Café Intrigue the heroine meets her man while trying to solve an eschatological mystery at her local Christian bookstore
  • Steeple Hill Café Blaze the heroine is torn between a Christian man and a Buddhist, and experiments with swimming in a bikini.
And for some real-life fantasy...
Lastly, this post would be remiss if it did not include Dead Serious’ very funny piece, “What's That You Say? Pirates?” — a “testimonial” to his character, furnished for a reluctant date. To plagiarize my comment, it reminds me of a little press release the Harvard Lickwit emailed me, early in our, erm, ill-fated “courtship.” Some two or three pages long, the circa-2000 piece (very comically written) detailed upcoming improvements to his less-than-hip Harlem apartment. A brilliant anticipation of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I must say ... if the Lickwit actually deserves such praise. Hmmmm.

Perhaps I can ask him what he thinks tonight. Along with Tim Robbins Type, quite probably Covert Romantic, and perhaps even the Geriatric Gent, I will be seeing Harvard Lickwit tonight. As in, seeing across the room. I make it my policy to withold my conversational hotness from him so he's forced to make the first move.

And, now ... egads! I must get going! Off to work. Be good today! If you wanna show your love to Anna, make your Barnes & Noble purchases through this site, or overcome your reticence in commenting. Back soon ... with stories of the shoes infatuation bought.