Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Never / did I ever

For today’s pre-blog teaser something a little different: random Anna trivia. Why? Because this weekend my sister made me watch 13 Going on 30 (hence the juvie theme), and it’s time to add Serial Blogonomy to my blogpals (by way of whom I got this list). But just to cheat, save on your time, and drive crazy anyone hoping to copy this list from my blog, I’m putting all nevers and evers together and excluding some of the more random outliers.

Find this sort of entry dreadful? Then catch up on the handbagger swap and voting for my friend’s new online-dating user name (new reader comments). And as for the cinna-soy saga, yesterday’s email brought the official shout-out:
Now onto the filler portion...

NEVER 1. Bought everyone in the pub a drink 4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 5. Been inside the Great Pyramid 6. Held a tarantula. 11. Bungee jumped 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa 19. Touched an iceberg 22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon 23. Watched a meteor shower 29. Bet on a winning horse (even if it was only $1) 31. Asked out a stranger 33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier 45. Adopted an accent for an entire day 46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 49. Visited all 50 states 55. Watched wild whales 56. Stolen a sign 57. Backpacked in Europe 60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice 62. Gone sky diving 63. Visited Ireland 67. Benchpressed your own weight 68. Milked a cow 81. Visited the Great Wall of China 83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better (been a Mac freak from the start) 87. Taken a martial arts class 99. Won first prize in a costume contest 100. Ridden a gondola in Venice 101. Gotten a tattoo 103. Rafted the Snake River 107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything (but I was in the great blackout of 2003) 108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug 113. Had a one-night stand 114. Gone to Thailand (but Indonesia and India, yes!) 117. Been in a combat zone (my sister probably will be in less than a year, though) 121. Spoken more than one language fluently 123. Bounced a check (bounce is when the bank doesn’t cash it, right?) 138. Had plastic surgery 139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived. 141. Lost over 100 pounds (although I’m 45 pounds lighter today than I was at my heaviest point in college) 142. Held someone while they were having a flashback 143. Piloted an airplane 148. Won money on a T.V. game show 149. Broken a bone 150. Killed a human being (but my sister knows how to) 151. Gone on an African photo safari 152. Ridden a motorcycle 158. Had major surgery 165. Visited all 7 continents (sniff, only 3) 166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 167. Eaten kangaroo meat 172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime 175. Gone back to school 182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them (but I do often swipe big handfuls of “Sugar in the Raw” from coffee shops) 193. Built your own PC from parts 196. Dyed your hair 200. Been arrested

EVER 3. Climbed a mountain (Broadway peeps are hikers; my parents even backpacked on their honeymoon) 8. Said “I love you” and meant it 9. Hugged a tree 10. Done a striptease (of sorts; remember to ask me how, in addition to faking an orgasm for presentation’s sake, I’ve also changed clothes in front of a class ... and I don’t mean PE) 12. Visited Paris 14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise 15. Seen the Northern Lights (I think) 16. Gone to a huge sports game 20. Slept under the stars 21. Changed a baby’s diaper (or 12,000) 24. Gotten drunk on champagne (does thoroughly buzzed count? I’ve puked anyway ... but that might’ve been the food poisoning) 26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (can’t remember the moments, but yes, undoubtedly) 30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 32. Had a snowball fight 39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar. 41. Ridden a roller coaster 44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking 47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment 48. Had two hard drives for your computer (CD-roms count, right?) 50. Loved your job for all accounts 51. Taken care of someone who was shit-faced 53. Had amazing friends 54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country 58. Taken a road-trip 59. Gone rock climbing 65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them 66. Visited Japan (airport counts, yes?) 69. Alphabetized your records (and CD’s and tapes and and and...) 71. Sung karaoke 79. Gone to a drive-in theater 82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog (not always a bad thing, though ;)) 91. Been in a movie 92. Crashed a party 93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have 98. Made cookies from scratch 105. Got flowers for no reason 109. Performed on stage 110. Been to Las Vegas 111. Recorded music 112. Eaten shark (technically I think they use shark for the fish ’n chips in New Zealand) 120. Been on a cruise ship 135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 140. Wrote articles for a large publication 147. Been fired or laid off from a job 153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph 154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (do bebe guns count?) 157. Ridden a horse 161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (if you count the Havasupai part, yes ... and beat all my friends to the top coming out) 162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing 170. Eaten sushi 171. Had your picture in the newspaper 178. Petted a cockroach (if killing baby ones bare-handedly counts, yes) 179. Eaten fried green tomatoes 180. Read The Iliad 181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read him/her. 191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream 197. Been a DJ (burning your own CD counts, right?)

Coming soon...
Sexless does DC! AN Urban Outfitters photoblog, sidewalk tawk in Georgetown, and more.