Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Help from the grandparentals, pt. 2

Today on my lunch break I took a break from reading and proposal-editing to catch up on some phone calls, one of these to my grandparents. Trying to slip in a promising tidbit with scant explanation, I told Gramps things were humming along nicely on my book-proposal project. But at 84, he’s still got the Broadway sharpness. “Yeah? What’s your title?”

He’s not en-titled
Gulp. “Um ... well ...” Maybe the Bush twins can make Sex and the City jokes, but I cannot. Not because Gramps might not get the reference; he has opinions on blogs after all (“they’re all gossip”), and knows about eBay. Cheers for the nightly news! But even should he got the pop-cult. reference in this title, I’d be sunk. These are, after all, the grandparents who chide me for unladylike use of “crap” and irreverantly spiritual slang (using “God” as a copious filler akin to “like”).

I couldn’t even tell him it’s a “memoir of reluctant chastity.” Instead I hemmed and hawed. “Ah, well, it’s sort of about, um, my experience as a Christian single in ... uh ... the dating world. Love life ...”

Luckily this lack of clarity fired his creative juices. “You know what I think you should call it?”

“No, what, Gramps?” Yes. SAVED!

“Marching Single File.” Perhaps he confused me with my sister, the tough Marine, for a moment. There would be a memoir. The life of a single, nearly celibate Christian in the Corps.

“Or you could call ‘Marching in Step Single File,’” he continued, “but shorter is better. ‘Marching Single File’ - three words.” He’s a sharp ’un, that cat. All the book-proposal guides say five words or less. We had a good chuckle and I made my escape.

“Well, if the book sells and I use that title, I’ll be sure to make proper attribution as to its originator,” I said. I didn’t tell him another rejected title idea was Tight ... after this season of unemployment, of course. ;)