Sexless in the City

Sometimes reading romance novels doesn’t quite prepare you for a love life...

For this 30-year-old urbanite, love is always a misadventure: The Harvard Lickwit, Hippie the Groper, the 5% Man, and the Ad Weasel. These and many other men wander in and out of her life — but never her bed.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

A man-date to mate? (pt. 4)

You could probably call this one the celebrity chapter ... and yes, it’s the last of the series! (Check back to pts. 1, 2, 3, and 4 occasionally as I add additional men on an as-needed/as-remembered basis. I’m also putting a perma-link at the top of the Just the stats.)

Related to the fame theme, check back soon for a discussion of why headshots (ahem) don’t always help a man’s cause...

Stalker #1
Met through: an early internet-dating site (this was circa 1996)
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: none
First date: that is to say, meeting: his appearance at my Thursday-night show of Fiddler on the Roof
Age difference: 1 year
Profession: professional caffeine consumer — I mean, web geek-cum-student
Where the money went: Dr. Peppers, coffee, and all his internet bills!
Theme song: “Java Jive”

Stalker #2
Met through: bitter-cold-of-winter swing-dance party sponsored by my church
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: 1? I’ve tried to block those memories out …
First date: not applicable
Age difference: 18 years at least
Profession: former teacher, aspiring CIA/FBI operative
Where the money went: lunch
Theme song: “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)”

Swinger #1
Met through: swing dancing at Bash on Ash
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: 0
First date: let’s say, first dance; a very-hot version of “Bei Mir Bist Du Schön” from the Swing Kids soundtrack; my first clue as to why some warn that dancing leads to sex … Bei Mir Bist Du Schön (Means That You're Grand)
Age difference: 2 years?
Profession: college student
Where the money went: N/A
Theme song: “Bei Mir Bist Du Schön”

Swinger #2
Met through: my naïve fan-appreciation chit-chat after the show
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: 0
First date: make that conversation; we chat about music and such while he smokes out back; when he asks if he can kiss me I suddenly find a great segue to avidly talking about Jesus
Age difference: 15 years? His gray hair was pronounced
Profession: pianist for a fairly successful California-based swing band
Where the money went: N/A
Theme song: “Red Light”

Swinger #3
Met through: concert at the Bash on Ash, a one-time Tempe music/dance venue (very popular on the swing scene in its day)
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: 1
First date: post-concert meal at Denny’s (followed by a not-great make-out session in the back of my friend’s car)
Age difference: 15 years
Profession: lead singer for a British swing band (they covered T-Rex for the Truman Show soundtrack)
Where the money went: late-night serving of eggs? (I was too sheepish and ignorant to recognize the mooch-potential of our pseudo-date)
Theme song: “Twentieth Century Boy”

The Tim Robbins Type
Met through: a monthly cocktail event through which I was indirectly introduced by the Harvard Lickwit
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: 0
First date: make that conversation too: our walk from the bar 8 blocks up and a few over to the corner where he finally hailed a cab for me rather than walk me across town to my west-side destination (conscience dictated he should ensure a heel-clad woman got there safely)
Age difference: at least 20
Profession: works in an industry where “every conversation is grist for the mill”
Where the money went: my cab fare across town and (on account of the change) a much-needed BLT, milk and banana later
Theme song: still workin’ on that one...

The Winner
Met through: undergraduate math class — but really, we met at a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting and then realized we had the class together
Number of dates and pseudo-dates: 1
First date: coffee at the local Coffee Plantation
Age difference: 5 months
Profession: (currently) an engineer
Where the money went: coffee, gas
Theme song: Sarah MacLachlan’s “I Will Remember You”

The other men: Ad Weasel to Geriatric Gent (pt. 1), Global Crossings Guy to Leather Daddy (pt. 2), Married Man to Sft. Ex-sessories (pt. 3).

Swing Kidssoundtrack
Indigo SwingAll Aboard
The Truman ShowDVDsoundtrack